Drizzledrain's ap

[tigerdance]

Furcadia Name: Drizzledpaw
IC Name: Drizzledpaw/rain
Clan You Wish To Join: Water
Rank Wanted: Medicine cat or Medicine cat's apprentice
RP Example:Drizzle lifts her small body out of the stream .Her silver fur was all messed up and her long legs were bleeding. She could tell all this and more with out need for eyes. Also she was pretty sure she knew what happen moments before she remember. She had just been taking a small walk then it hit her. A large male fox came rushing out of the bushes and tried to bite her neck. The sounds of the bushes made her jump and made the fox only skim her left paw. Next the she-cat let her malformed claw slid out and slashes the fox across the eyes and bite it's spine. The fox stumbled and they both fell down into the stream below. The fox died falling on to jagged rock and Drizzle landed in the shallows and hit her head.
Description: Small blind silver she-cat with a small frame and long legs.

[Spottedstar]

First, um, make sure you slow down a bit when typing your posts just so you can make sure all punctuation is just right and that you're spacing isn't to wacky; otherwise you gave a fairly decent display.
Second, I got confused when you attempted to make it seem like your character was thinking to the fox attack, which was in the past.

and slashes the fox

Now, you also need to watch when you try and make sure a confusing display for your posts. The above has a few mistakes, which are bolded, because you need to realize Drizzledrain is relaying her story through her mind so all of this is coming at the reader as past; thus it should be put into past context with 'slashed'.
Last, I just skimmed again and saw a few capitalization errors though I sincerely think that could be changed if you persevered and slowed down during your type.

[/color]

ACCEPTED
as PENDING member
by Spottedstar
{dreamowner fireclan leader}[/center]